Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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