i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
