I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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