I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
