note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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