Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
