Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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