it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
