the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
