end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize