jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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