wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
