we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
