Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
