woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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