Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
