oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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