What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
