hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
