I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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