jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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