Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
