Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
