I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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