I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
