I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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