My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
