You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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