Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Randomize
