kristin has been a bad kristin
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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