She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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