do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
