I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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