In the future we'll all be gay
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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