i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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