i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
