We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
