happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
