something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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