dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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