I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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