At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
