We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
