Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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