Its about making memories worth repressing
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
