ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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