Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
