I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
