How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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