the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
