Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
