help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
