Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
