I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
