Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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