I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
