it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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