apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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