Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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