Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
