Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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