Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
