I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
