You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
