Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
