I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
