just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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