I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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