I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
