It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...