I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?