Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.