I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
