so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
