Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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