tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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