Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
