If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
