I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
