They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
