You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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