What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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