just tell him i said nine months
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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