Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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