Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
