I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
