Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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